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Manchester United Summer Madness.....

1. speculation
[ ˌspɛkjʊˈleɪʃn ]

noun: speculation • plural noun: speculations
1. the forming of a theory or conjecture without firm evidence:
“there has been widespread speculation that he plans to quit”
synonyms: conjecture • theorizing • hypothesizing • supposition •
guesswork • talk • theory • hypothesis • thesis • postulation • guess • surmise • opinion • notion • prediction • forecast • guesstimate • gamble • venture • risk • gambling • investment • spec • flutter • adventure
2. investment in stocks, property, etc. in the hope of gain but with the risk of loss:
“the company’s move into property speculation”

This noun is to the transfer market as pubes are to your teeth.

You’ve got a certain level of assumption going on in that you’ve got to be getting some happy if you’re caught up in the side effects of it as you are if you find yourself removing short and curlies from your teeth.

What this summer is determined to do though is scupper that theory!

We’re Manchester United, our appeal isn’t short term, it’s not paid for by plaything money, it’s not built on the foundations of a 5 year history! No! It’s many things, it’s a mentality, a style of football, a history of success & I believe at least that to the player approached by the club, it’s a sign that they’re doing all the right things better than their contemporaries if they’re being spoken of and to by a club of United’s stature.

Unfortunately, agents are also aware of this, so whether they’re looking to keep their cash cow where he is on better terms, or he’s looking to smoke a club out who’ve hinted to him they’re interested but are yet to make a bid, United’s name is dropped in to the mix as often as flour into a cake recipe! That in itself is annoying, add to this the press fuss made over such moves and it becomes tedious, add the social media reaction to these stories of the 14 year old ITK virgins who claim to be “connected” when writing up their takes on how done a deal is and it becomes unbearably painful getting through a summer as the moves spoken of do and do not take place.

Given how we ended last season, it’s clear we’ll do business, the business we’ll (hopefully) do will be in buying a right back who’s more able to stick to LVG’s specific instructions than Rafael is, and less rabbit in the headlights than Valencia was in that area, a holding midfielder to do what Carrick does, but with the age and ability to do it for 30+ games a season so we don’t suffer the dip in results we did last season when the vital cog in Louis’s tactical machine wasn’t fit for purpose & a forward who can actually deliver the 20-25 league goal threat that none of our current crop appear able to do so.

It’s taking the above into effect that makes these links with Ramos & Firmino all the more painful!

In the case of Firmino he’s someone who supposedly plays in an area where we already have an embarrassment of riches available, he’s not a frontline forward I belive, but even if he is, then he’s no more than the Brazilian Welbeck (based on a statistical review at least anyway) so adding him would be futile given that we only just got rid of the original and his Columbian replacement in the last 2 summer windows!

Alves was obviously staying at Barcelona from day one, he was never leaving, that was nothing more than a game of smoke and mirrors played out by the worst dressed man in football (if not the world) to get what he wanted out of a club that were taking longer to do so than he and his agent liked.

Ramos is even worse for me! The whole thing is like when a woman allows you to openly flirt with you on a night out, she’s no interest in being with you, all you’re being used for is motivation to get the guy she’s on/off with to actually state his intentions either way when he sees what’s happening (see Will’s suffering in the second Inbetweeners movie for a demonstration of this), to me it’s obvious that Ramos is simply using United’s appreciation of what he does to make Real aware that if they don’t show him the love he believes he deserves, then he’ll leave and get it elsewhere.

They’re just 3 of the stories that sports journalists have been robbing a living writing about, I dare say if I had the motivation there are more names I could carry on writing about, but I don’t, so I won’t!

We tied up the Depay deal nice and early, he’s a talent that will deliver great happiness at United when he finds feet in the Premiership, perhaps the speed and efficiency used in tying up the deal for one of Europe’s largest talents set expectations too high? Perhaps its why the press and and virgins of social media have been so quick to latch on to every half arsed rumour and turn it into the stuff that means you cant look at a paper, turn on Sky Sports News or check out my timeline on Twitter without having your will to live crushed by heavyweight transfer Spam!

I know September 1st, or whatever the closure date is is still some time away, but I’d love nothing more than to lose my diabetic coma virginity and come round when it’s closed and our summer dealings have been concluded, and I’m certain that I’m not alone in feeling that way!

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By Jonathan Brook

Jonny is a red with over 25 years experience of the nail biting, arse clenching & inedible pies that are part of being a United fan. He like many of us understands that being a red isn't a hobby or interest, it's a way of life!

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